also known as:
how not to act like a little dog on a leash.
So this funny thing happens when you decide to really be you. Sometimes people don’t like it.
I know this, because I’ve spent an enormous amount of energy over the course of my life trying to get people to like me. Have you ever watched a dog competition? Living your life trying to get everyone to like you is a little like being a dog in a dog show. It’s like handing a leash to another person and then committing to do a bunch of tricks and turns in response to their moves. It’s acting and reacting in response to your owner, which is an interesting word to use when you think about it. If you are prone to use approval from others as your way of shaping your identity, “owner” might be just the right word.
Allowing our own identity to be “owned” by another’s approval might be one of the great reasons why it’s worth fighting against. I’ve learned the hard way that people’s approval cannot be the way I make decisions. First–because it’s exhausting to be a trained dog. Second–it never works. It has a 100% failure rate because no matter how hard I try, I cannot actually get everyone to like me.
Go ahead, say it out loud: “Self: Not everyone is going to like me.”
Whew, you did it. See? You didn’t spontaneously combust. You are still you, even if someone doesn’t like it. Baby steps.
Here’s three other ways to keep loving people even when they don’t like you:
By : Macey France at Politichicks.com
I’ve heard all kinds of things about teachers’ unions; the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’ve even written a couple pieces on how the 2 big teachers’ unions in the U.S. have made poor decisions and for the most part, to not represent the average teacher.
Lately I have seen a lot of news stories about high school students walking out and protesting the use of standardized tests. I’m all for this if it’s a protest thought of, planned by, and promoted among the students themselves.
Many sites will claim that the students need to walk out and protest these tests and not take them because the students are the ones, after all, who will be ideologically indoctrinated under them.
I find that statement, and statements like that, a little ironic. In many of the schools where the students hold protests there is a large union presence with teachers who discuss union issues and unfair treatment with their classes.
from Miriam Grossman, M.D.
As a child and adolescent psychiatrist I’m in a unique position. Young people walk in my office, sit down, and open their hearts. Soon their secrets spill out: I was drugged and raped. I’m sleeping with my best friend’s fiancee. My girlfriend had an abortion. I want to die.
I’ve spent the past thirty years of my professional life listening to these, and many other tales, so I have some expertise about the lives of teens and young adults. Their number one problem? Romance.
There’s a lot for them to figure out, but they’re utterly lost. What do I want, and how do I get it? How do I deal with peer pressure and navigate the hook-up culture? Are there consequences to sex, or is it just about fun? What’s normal? What’s not?
Please know, these are kids who by and large do well in other areas. They’re successful at school and with friends; some of them are accomplished musicians and athletes. But romance? That’s where they’re thrown off-track, and there are lots of tears, anger, and regret.
I often wonder to myself, I know this kid has responsible, loving parents…where are they?